Question: what do moulting cat hairs and drivers who insist on toodling along in the outside lane at exactly the speed limit or just under it, have in common?
Answer: both get right up my nose! One makes me sneeze, the other makes me ejaculate in a different way — with loud, increasingly irate, sweary words and angry rhetorical questions, eg, “So you’re the guardian of the speed limit are y’, y’numpty y’?!” “Who made YOU God?!?!” ... “Does no one teach these morons that the outside lane is for overtaking, not for being an annoying prat in?!?!” I need to calm down. I know that. But really.
The car is a powerful thing. But sometimes, in the driver’s seat, it feels like the most powerless place in the world.
You fume, you rail, you maybe even toot that horn and flash those lights, but you rarely get anywhere. The twit who’s too stupid to live, never mind have passed a test, refuses to see you, acknowledge you, move over and let you sail past, in control, as it should be.
It’s a hard lesson to take every time you go out in the car. Other people are stupid and selfish. They think only of themselves. They never consider your point of view.
They probably think exactly the same thing about you. And me.
But really. When Alex Attwood comes to change the rules for learner drivers, can he please put in some new conditions?
Make it a rule that all drivers must know that indicators are for using, not for decoration.
That the whole idea behind merging two lanes of traffic into one at busy junctions is that the cars give way to each other, one by one, NOT that the self-appointed Mr I’m Always Right on the inside refuses to let any other car go in front of him, thereby forcing her onto the other side of the road and nearly causing a horrendous crash?
And that anyone who refuses to get out of the outside lane because they don’t even realise they’re in it in the first place, can be given 100 penalty points and banned from leaving their house, never mind driving, for the rest of their selfish little lives?
Is that too much to ask? I mean, really ...
Forget speed bumps and lower speed limits, if you really want to calm traffic, get the ignorant fools off the road!
That would leave the rest of us much calmer. Oh and while you’re at it, remind every learner that getting into a car does not render them invisible.
If they pick their noses in a car, they can still be seen. If they use a mobile while driving, they can be seen.
Even if they lean their elbow on the window sill while trying to pretend they’re just leaning their head on their hand.
Similarly, getting into a car doesn’t give them some super-power that lets them behave like inconsiderate yobs and get away with it.
If you wouldn’t dream of pushing another pedestrian off the footpath, or cutting in front of someone ahead of you in the supermarket queue and then smirking, well then don’t think this is acceptable just because you’re behind a wheel. It’s a wheel, not a cloak of invisibility or justification.
I mean, really ...