Belfast Telegraph

Thursday 24 July 2014

Take heart, even Big Brother doesn’t know what he’s doing

Sometimes it’s good to be reminded that “They” aren’t really in control. I mean, big business, the rich, the 1%, “Them”, the ones that aren’t “us”.

Just this week a couple of things happened to remind me that there is no superior race running our world. Every global business, bank or organisation, is merely a network of little pathetic people like you and me.

I got a new broadband set up at home. Next day, my supplier emailed me.

The message read: “If you have children, you want to make sure they’re safe online.”

It was addressed to me, but obviously it was a round robin email, sent, presumably, to everyone who has a new service installed.

It cheered me up no end, because I don’t have children.

No, I wasn’t cheered by the fact that I’m childless, but by the fact that “they” obviously don’t know that I’m childless, so “they” don’t yet actually know everything about me.

If they did, they’d have been able to send me a spookily tailored message saying something like, “Dear Ms McKeever. Given that you are a mother of three young children, Zak (10) Mac (9) and Pippa-Apple-Beyonce (6 months), we’d like to advise you about the dangers of letting children browse the internet freely.

“Given that you like to leave your children with a babysitter (Mary, 42, lives three doors down on the left) every Thursday evening while you socialise (three glasses of Merlot and four flaming Sambucas) with your friends (Penny, Jenny, Henny and Lenny (recently divorced and interested in exercise bikes, losing weight and shapewear tights) we recommend that you ensure your internet has full child-proofing.”

But they didn’t. Because, despite the fact that some people think the internet means that “they” have us all monitored 24-7, they don’t. They just haven’t a clue.

I’m still a private person and “they” are not some Big Brother All-Knowing Entity to be feared.

Neither is Facebook or the bank or the insurance company. They, as has been revealed over and over, are all prone to the same screw ups as anyone else.

Just look at the Facebook flotation fiasco.

The biggest thing since sliced bread has already collapsed for loads of small investors, because someone omitted to mention in the prospectus, that the company might not actually be as successful in the future as they’d previously predicted.

Human error. Based on greed maybe, but human error nonetheless.

Brilliant! Don’t ya just love it when the “what could possibly go wrong now?” smugness balloon is well and truly pricked!

We really are far too respectful of authority. Most of us labour under the illusion that there are people in the world who make things work, because they know so much more than we do.

Rubbish! All this does is keep alive a vague sense of inadequacy in our little hearts.

We may complain, but deep down we think we need these people because we just don’t have big enough brains to understand “how everything works”.

Well, some news just in, neither do “they”!

They are not so smart either. They don’t know everything and the fact they keep going is mostly down to pure fluke and the fact that the rest of us buy into the myth that they are superior to us.

Time to wake up and seize control of the coffee!

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