The things that make me want to scream
There are few things more satisfying than realising that many others share your pet dislikes. Y’know those irritating features of modern life that you have a little rant about every time they occur?
For me it is the new tradition, if that’s not an oxymoron, that sees television studio audiences cheer and scream as soon as anyone taking part in a reality competition show does what he or she is there to do.
In the X Factor, they scream when the singer hits a high note, or a key change or just the first chorus.
This forced frenzy has now infected the more sedate world of Strictly Come Dancing. Now the audience there seem to feel obliged to whoop when a dancer does a turn or a lift or a fast step.
We’ve created a generation who have no idea how to hold a knife and fork correctly but who are hard-wired to turn orgasmic at the first hint of a musical modulation or some fancy footwork.
The crowds are beginning to sound like the congregation at Mass when I was a kid — responding because that’s just what you do, without seeming to understand quite why they’re doing it.
Just be glad this article is on paper, because if it had been performed live, you’d all have been screamed out by paragraph two.