Belfast Telegraph

Ulster Fry will go down Gr8

Nuala McKeever

So the world's leaders are flying in and what are we planning to give them to show we're a hip, forward-looking, smart, savvy place to do business? An Ulster Fry.

Brilliant.

Who comes up with this stuff? Johnny McFarmer? We've listened to all the accepted medical advice about health and decided just to ignore it. Sure why would y'bother with all that oul killjoy nonsense? Who ever died from eatin' an Ulster Fry, tell me that? Y'can keep yer muesli and yer natural yogurt an' all that oul fancy-schmancy, city-slicker, homosexual clap trap. We're proud to be big country glipes so we are.

And sure the half of them luk like they could do with a feed. Well apart from thon bird Merkel, she could do wi' layin' aff the bread alright. But Putin and Obama, sure there's not a pick on either of them. We'll soon get them bunged up and ready for inaction, so we will. Youse get on with yer whinging about how there's enough food in the world if....

We'll not be bothering our guests with that depressin' stuff down in Fermanagh. We've got fat Americans to appeal to, so would yiz all just houl yer whisht and let's pull together and show them our wee province can fairly punch above its weight. So it can."

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