Belfast Telegraph

UK Website Of The Year

What I’d give to look like Christine Bleakley

By Nuala McKeever

I’m not stupid, but sometimes I can be really thick.

I just don’t cop on to some things that, in retrospect, are blindingly obvious. Like the term “middle aged spread”.

I’ve heard the term all my life. I understand it means that most people over 40 get a bit wider round the middle.

So why then have I spent the past number of months looking for an explanation for my expanding midriff? I’ve googled it, I’ve dieted, I checked out every explanation.

The answer hit me when I went back to the gym this week for the first time in a year. I re-joined one that’s favoured by students.

Suddenly, in a room filled with twenty somethings, I had a revelation.

I’m middle aged. And my middle is exhibiting middle aged spread.

I hopped on the exercise bike, imagining I looked like Christine Bleakley in her new workout video, then caught myself in the mirror and realised I was closer to Stephen Nolan. Okay, not quite, but still

Oh no I haven’t got some exotic, weight-retaining condition. I’m just getting older.

For every pound I lose, there is a team of wee gremlins inside me, shovelling on two more. It’s depressing.

And y’know what happens when y’get depressed... y’just wanna eat.

Help!

Belfast Telegraph

Read More

Popular

From Belfast Telegraph