Belfast Telegraph

Sunday 13 July 2014

Will Paris be right match for Beckhams?

David and Victoria Beckham
David and Victoria Beckham

Paris St Germain Man: "Ah, Bonjour, Les Beckhams! Bienvenue a Paris!"

Le Becks: "Yeah... well... obvioushly, me an' Victoria are obvioushly deligh'ed to be 'ere... obvioushly."

La Posh strikes a sideways pose, one foot slightly forward of the other, her sharp cheekbones unrelieved by anything approaching a smile. She says nothing.

French Guy: "So.. 'ow iz your French?"

Davide: "Yeah... well... obvioushly, me an' Victoria 'ave brushed up a few important words... obvioushly. Eh... "le weekend", obvioushly, that's one I like and I think Victoria 'as a favourite, don't you?"

La Mute almost imperceptibly raises the corners of her mouth in an impression of the Mona Lisa, if the Mona Lisa hadn't eaten anything for about a year. She says nothing.

"Le shopping!", laughs Le Boy-Made-Good. "My wife loves a good hoke around the sales, don't you Vic?"

This comment goes down with La Mona Beckham about as well as a tattoo at the Galgorm Manor Hotel. She says nothing.

French Guy: "Per'aps your lovely wife would like to try a Parisian delicacy, non?"

Le Underpants: "Eh, well, Victoria doesn't tend to eat much, obvioushly."

Frenchie: "Crepe?"

Davide: "Oh, she's not that bad when you get to know her!"

PSG Man: "Frogs legs?"

Davide: "No, that's just the way she's standin... obvioushly."

La Wife says nothing.

Obvioushly.

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