Belfast Telegraph

Zombies are alive and well, working near you

By Nuala McKeever

A concerned citizen in Leicester wrote to the council asking what provision it had to cope with a Zombie attack.

“Ridiculous!” you cry. “There are no such things as Zombies.”

I’m not so sure. I’m pretty certain I was served by one in a shop in Belfast last week.

How else to explain his glazed expression, lack of eye contact, dragging gait and complete lack of engagement with me, the paying customer?

They mostly seem to work in the private sector. That’s the sector that they say needs stimulated in Northern Ireland by lowering corporation tax.

I’m not sure dropping corporation tax is the answer (call it my instinctive mistrust of those who represent big, profit-driven corporations telling us what’s good for us). But I agree — something in the private sector needs stimulating, and it’s the staff. Time to face facts — the Z people are unalive and well and walking (painfully slowly) amongst us.

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