The message from the newest political movement to sweep across the North? SOS. But don't panic.
SOS, in this instance, means ‘Stay On Sofa’. The campaign's spokesman, Joe ‘Comfy' Caldwell, explained that he had launched SOS from the comfort of his leather suite as a protest against protesting: “I am sick and tired of all these people marching and protesting and counter-marching and counter-protesting. It is not natural. I mean, what's wrong with just kicking back on your recliner and watching the telly? The Lord God gave us a behind for a reason and it's about time we all started using it more.”
Comfy Caldwell denied that he was apathetic towards politics and stressed that staying on the sofa was an active political option: “By doing nothing, you are in fact doing something. The more people who accept the philosophy of staying on their sofa, the better off we will all be.”
He accused people who liked to parade as being media junkies who could not function without having the opportunity to give off or counter-give off about something. He also suggested that the ‘parade community' were in league with multi-national shoe companies who wanted people to walk more and hence buy more shoes. “It's all George Bush's doing,” he said, “he is actually a puppet of Hush Puppies and Camel Active.”
Mr Caldwell said that he had been overwhelmed by the support his organisation had received. He had organised a mass public rally for SOS supporters and no one had turned up. “They all stayed at home on their sofas,” said Caldwell, “I have never been so proud.”