Bet Van didn't think he would be so lucky
Published 17/08/2012 | 08:00
The world reeled back in shock on hearing that Jean-Claude Van Damme had slept - in the non-sleeping sense - with Kylie Minogue.
That's right. Our Kylie. The People's Kylie.
Yon wee slip of a thing with that big brute.
To be fair to the latter, I haven't seen any of his films, but understand they tend to be pugnacious.
For some reason, he often wears a beret, which is never a good sign.
In an interview with London local paper, The Guardian, Van Damme confessed to committing the transgression in 1994, a lax year for morals.
Matters were made worse with the revelation that the episode occurred in Thailand, a country avoided by God-fearing folk.
Van Damme expanded lecherously: "I knew Thailand very well, so I showed her my Thailand."
Well, that's certainly a new word for it. Perhaps if he'd kept his Thailand in his trousers, there wouldn't be a furore.
That said, I believe Van Damme was footloose and fancy-free at the time, and so perfectly within his rights to hobnob with persons of the opposite gender.
In a sense, albeit meaningless, he's Van Dammed if he did and Van Dammed if he didn't.
But, damn it: Kylie! No wonder she's been wandering around ever since with one eyebrow permanently raised.