Belfast Telegraph

Crouching dragon and Norman’s hidden tiger

By Robert McNeil

I don't know whether to be appalled or impressed that Lord Norman Tebbit booted a dragon up the behind. On mature reflection (estimated time three seconds), I am impressed.

The dragon under advisement was one of those Chinese efforts, which was cavorting around to celebrate their New Year.

I was at a Chinese New Year do myself a couple of weeks back, where we were made to eat slimy fishballs with chopsticks.

I still have bruising around my eye from the experience, and fear my one good shirt has been ruined irretrievably.

However, I digress. To put you further in the picture, the dragon was part of a procession that passed — amidst much clattering of cymbals and banging of drums — His Lordship's new domicile in the town of Bury St Edmonds.

The former Tory cabinet minister must have been plaiting his hair, or doing something else requiring concentration and quiet, when he ran out of his house and assaulted the beast.

Alas, its rear end contained a child, which has caused the shock-horror brigade to go ape. One feels for the child, but surely the awe factor lies in the fact that a 78-year-old man was able to bolt out of his house and boot anything up the bahookey. I'll have some of what he's been drinking.

For if I’m able to run about booting dragons up the bum when I'm 78 I’ll be well pleased with myself.

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