Don't tell Madge she's weaker sex
Women are getting weaker, according to new research. Hell's bells. As someone who finds Madonna's biceps intimidating, and who wouldn't much fancy arm-wrestling Kylie, I find that hard to believe.
But hold on a cotton-pickin' minute, it also says here that yon other gender - wotsnames - are getting weaker too. Men? Get outta here.
You can hardly move for biceps these days. But, nope, researchers at the University of South Australia say average muscle power peaked in western countries in 1985.
I don't remember anyone having muscles before 1985. Even boxers and movie heroes were weaklings compared to the brawny bozos you see struggling to walk along the street these days.
Still, I lack academic credentials and my chosen orifice of communication is presumably my butt once more.
British academics have backed the Australian analysis, focusing more on women and calling them out for being skinny.
This is caused by stupid magazines ceaselessly cajoling them into losing fat.
Physiotherapist Sammy Margo told one London paper: "There are skinny women who have no muscles supporting their spine, and overweight ladies who don't have any muscles under the fat."
More generally, there are fears that upcoming generations will also be weak because of their indoor lifestyles. Well, I've only one word to say about that. Good.