Belfast Telegraph

Friday 31 October 2014

Easy on the greens or we could all be gone with the wind

Breaking wind news, and it emerged this week that dinosaurs created climate change when their bottoms blew raspberries.

Dinosaurs didn't develop polite civilisation, like we did, and so they just fired at will, with no thought for the environment or the sensitivities of their fellows.

Luckily, man didn't live at the same time as the hulking oiks, or he might have been blown clean away.

Professor Graeme Ruxton, of the Department of Farting at St Andrews University, Scotlandshire, blamed sauropods in particular, because they ate lots of greens.

According to Prof Ruxton's team of top fartologists, sauropods produced 520m tons of methane a year. That was theoretically enough to cause the monsters' own demise. Basically, they farted themselves out of existence.

I think the moral of this tale is clear: eating greens could kill us. Meanwhile, metaphor roars to metaphor across the swamp at the thought of mankind also dying out to a chorus of raspberries.

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