Belfast Telegraph

Hands off our Pippa's derriere

By Robert McNeill

Frankly, until I've seen the object with my naked eye, my remarks cannot possibly be as authoritative as they normally are or, indeed, are not.

Nevertheless, the derriere of the Duchess of Wherever's sister has been roundly discussed up and arguably down the pubs and discotheques of the nations. Trust, therefore, the French to demur.

A top intellectual there has made Pippa's bum the butt of his ire, describing it as "bony and not rounded enough". Quelle horreur énorme!

To be fair, if said bottom is typical of those sported by today's young women, he may have a point.

But Patrick Besson goes further, ululating thus: "The whole package is crowned by a flat smile, vulgar, empty, inert, insincere, greedy, cold, shameful, stupid, uninterested, immature ... that signifies nothing, and engages no one."

He ridicules the British obsession with Bill and Kate's wedding, saying it's just an excuse to drink beer and break wind. Outrageous! I don't need an excuse to drink beer and break wind. I just need a window in my diary.

Last night, there were reports of rioting in many rural areas of southern England, with effigies of Besson burned, and many peasants wearing reproductions of Pippa's backside on their heads.

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