Belfast Telegraph

Hey, good looking ...

By Robert McNeil

I didn't get where I am today on account of my looks. Despite them, more like.

Studies in America show that good-looking lawyers earn 12% more than plainer colleagues and that, in simulated criminal trials, ugly people got longer sentences. Out-flippin’-rageous.

The premium on good looks, fomented by Hollywood and the celebrity-obsessed media, really has gone too far.

One writer has revealed how, when she became head of a feminist organisation, her fellow birds insisted she have a full make-over. And that’s flippin’ feminists, for glory’s sake. Let’s say a word about Cheryl Cole, though. And the word is: scrumptious. I’m not entirely clear what she does, but I’m sure she wouldn’t be doing it had she been, you know, a troll. Urgent news reports suggest that folk are flocking to have dimples like the one that graces her chin. I cannot condone this practice. What do people see in dimples? I’ve one on my chin, but it’s less a dimple and more a crevice. It looks like a builder’s butt clamped to the bottom of my face. Awful. Cheryl’s is really just a couple of bumps. I take it that’s why she didn’t have to a grow a beard, like I did.

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