Belfast Telegraph

I don't believe it: grumpy people live longer

By Robert McNeill

At last, good news about longevity. For citizens like your bewildered scribe, every day of life is another unlooked-for surprise as, on the usual indices, I should have shuffled off long ago.

Financially stable? Nope. Eat lots of fruit? Eh? Optimistic? You wish.

However, now there is hope: a new study shows that being miserable is the key to a longer life. Halle-flippin'-lujah.

Top men in white coats found that cheerful individuals, with a good sense of humour, died earlier than those of us mired in gloom. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it outside, laughing boy.

Apparently, happy people take more gambles with their health, eating sybaritically and drinking immoderately as if there were no tomorrow, whereas, in most instances, there is a tomorrow. And it's usually rubbish.

But this is great news for those of us who worship at the altar of St Meldrew. Oh, I'm so happy. Oops.

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