Belfast Telegraph

It is time to count the calories, Carol!

By Robert McNeill

Vorderman news, and Carol of that ilk has gone up a dress size, according to sensational revelations .

Last week, after the story was widely published elsewhere, this column revealed that the controversial television host had appeared with her face heavily coated with creosote and her hair messed up. The incident brought widespread condemnation, and resulted in rioting in several rural areas. Now the dress size revelations - leaked by Vorderman herself in a magazine interview - threaten to ruin the 51-year-old starlet forever. Vorderman's excuse is that, since turning 50, she's been partying hard and even eating biscuits.

Many experts believe biscuits are worse for you than drugs. They say Vorderman is paying the price for her Custard Cream blowouts. Reports said Carol still prided herself on her "hourglass figure". However, a leading intellectual left a comment under an online article saying it was now more like a two-hourglass figure. Cruel but fair.

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