It's time to reflect on wardrobe boob, Tess
We need to talk about Tess Daly's cleavage. Well, we don't need to, but I believe it would be morally uplifting to do so.
Tess is married to chubby comedian Peter Kay and used to play Moog synthesiser for the Spice Girls until she was replaced by Victoria Beckham.
Now she hosts the hit comedy Strictly Come Dancing, and recently caused outrage and joy - sometimes in the same household - when she displayed an excess of mammarial resources on the show.
But here's the rub: Tess wasn't aware of any problem. After the furore, and outbreaks of rioting in several rural areas, an investigation was ordered and she told a packed meeting of the House of Commons cleavage committee: "Oh my god, why did nobody tell me about the boobs?"
OMG - let's get textual here - indeed.
Tess furnished an explanation which gets kind of technical, but stick with it: "What happened was, the bra I had on didn't fit the dress so I wore one of those designs that has gel at the sides, which kind of pushed you up and, I guess, gives you an extra couple of cup sizes."
Gel? Pushed? Cup? What can it all mean?
Meantime, here's my fashion tip for Tess: look in the mirror, dear. It's kind of a glass, reflecting thing.