Belfast Telegraph

Lady Gaga turns into naked chef

By Robert McNeill

If you can stomach it, there follows an item on the gastronomy of Gaga. Lady of that ilk made screaming headlines after she invited friends around and, at the last minute, changed her choice of dish from bouillabaisse (a French dish based on camel gonads) to beef bourguignon (a French dish with plonk in it). Fascinating.

Unfortunately, her cannabis-smoking guests couldn't wait for the bourguignon to cook and so were served it half-raw. Not that they noticed. More disturbing was the revelation that Gaga cooks in the altogether.

There are only two occasions where anyone should be naked: one, in the bath; and, two, at the doctor's. Certainly, one ought to be attired while cooking. I'm not sure why, but you wouldn't be happy if you went to a restaurant and learned the chefs were nakedly waving their spatulas about.

Meanwhile, Manchester footballer Sir Wayne Rooney also has to eat. Alas, despite having a kitchen the size of Wales, he has revealed that the only cooking appliances he has mastered are the toaster and microwave. The chef's special? Beans on toast.

Not as easy as it looks, particularly if, like Wayne, you choose to garnish the dish with brown sauce and salad cream.

However, at least he remains robed while basting his beans.

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