Life's a pizza cake for Royal Family
Let's celebrate that baby delivered on Monday! Hooray, so to speak. And congratulations to Penelope Cruz.
Yup, the sultry Spanish actress pupped on the same day the Duchess of Cambridge gave birth to another tax burden.
Oh, churlish! I don't mean to be. I love a cheap joke and, similarly, can take or leave an expensive one, so I've no hard feelings on the Royal Family.
I really don't mind all the awkward, forced joy, even while believing the people indulging in it should be sectioned.
Fawning is a fine art, thankfully not indulged in by the comedian Frankie Boyle, who tweeted: "Amazing to think that in just 20 years or so the royal baby will be a beery thug, notorious for date raping androids."
The Independent's little i newspaper sarcastically predicted a different future: "Born to rule".
Meanwhile, its big sister sniffily noted the "global media feeding frenzy".
Hats off to The Sun for most thorough mastication, in changing the title on its masthead to The Son for the day. Today's Son used to be tomorrow's chip wrapper, but pizzas were the order of the day for the royal couple while at the hospital.
Presumably, Zizzi's, from which they ordered them, will now be "by Royal appointment". I'm sure that'll be just topping for them.