Mystery of that healthy Sheen
Charlie Sheen binge-drinks manically, inhales mind-warping substances, sleeps with more than one lady at a time.
Then he removes his shirt on stage - and looks great. Face, body healthy. I'm sick of it.
Fair enough, two weeks ago, this column highlighted the excesses of the latest pop sensation - David Bowie - and how terrible he looked. But Bowie's an exception. Besides, even he looks better now, with teeth and hair and stuff.
We read about celebs abusing their bodies, and they look a million dollars.
Mind you, they are a million dollars, and can afford special lotions. But Sheen's body looks as if he works at it in his brief moments of lucidity.
Sickening. It's like at the gym, where all the buffed chaps with biceps just sit on the weights benches looking at themselves in the mirror.
Their only exercise is texting.
A typical text: "I'm at the gym doing nothing and my muscles just keep getting bigger. All the little people are on running machines - getting nowhere. You should see this bearded balloon. Looks like he's at death's door."
That's the thing: we little people are scared to approach death's door.
But these celebrities keep knocking on it - and are told to go away.