Belfast Telegraph

Wednesday 17 September 2014

Now Gaga proves that women are from Venus

Gaga news, and Lady of that ilk has hired a herd of astrologers to make sure her stars are aligned before her forthcoming tour.

Oh, as it were, dear. Does this mean I am going to have to find a new role model? No offence to astrologers, but the whole of your life is based on cack.

A top source close to the eccentrically dressed chanteuse ululated thus to a tabloid paper: "She (the Gaga) follows her horoscopes closely and when she found out Mercury is likely to go retrograde, she wasn't happy." I see.

That's the trouble with Mercury: it's always going retrograde, you know. Just when you think everything is hunky-dory, up pops Mercury, going retrograde all over the sky, upsetting the lieges and causing rioting in many rural areas.

The stupid planet is due to have one of its retrograde spasms - it starts flying backwards and doing somersaults - half-way through Gaga's tour, and now she wants the scientific-style astrologers to exert all their cosmic powers to make it behave. Well, good luck with that. The top source added of the Gaga: "She's a typical Aries - outgoing with a sense of adventure."

I'm Gemini me, which means I'm often in two minds. Can't disagree with that. Yes I can.

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