Belfast Telegraph

Oh dear, so the end of the world isn’t nigh after all ...

By Robert McNeill

Now they’re saying the world isn’t going to end in 2012 after all. This is grim news. Indeed, the tabloids have branded the situation ‘Apocalypse not’.

You’ll recall that a Mayan prophecy made December 21, 2012, our last day at the sales. Now they’re saying the prophecy, contained on a stone tablet, was wrongly translated. It actually says: “On ye (Mayan for ‘the’) 21st December o’ 20 and 12, keep calm and carry on. ‘Cos, like, nothing will happen, innit.”

What a bummer if you’ve hoarded soup and fashioned a papier-maché helmet for the dog. Somebody even made a film about 2012. I remember going to the cinema to see it, but recall little of the movie itself. Lot of floods. Folk screaming. Usual bilge.

Many people have given up hope of a global catastrophe now. Just have to soldier on till the next daft tablet turns up. Ruddy Mayans. Couldn’t even speak English.

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