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Robbie gives us a few home truths from abroad

By Robert McNeil

I’ve always liked Robbie Williams, ever since he presented a travel programme on the television.



Not knowing who he was, I said to the then lass: “He seems like a nice young man.” And she said: “That’s Robbie Williams, you insufferable, big-nosed cretin.”

I’m not sure why that relationship never worked out. As for Robbie, he’s been through a peculiar phase, involving alleged sightings of the Abominable Snowman, spaceships and so forth.

But he seems more grounded now, with new tattoos on his muscles. That’s always a good indicator that a young man is living for the moment and not caring that he’ll be tittered at by his nurses in old age.

In the meantime, though, I was discombobulated to read of this clean-living young fellow referring to Los Angeles school students as “f***ing idiots”. What he has against fishing I’ve no idea. But it’s the idiots part of the expression that I wish you to focus on.

Robbie has declared he’s moving back to Britainshire as soon as his infant child is old enough for school. He believes children in his homeland are pleasant and nice. I see.

He added: “I want the baby to have an English passport.” English passport, eh? Well, good luck with that. Fishing idiot.

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