Supermarket Subo: Susan Boyle shops at Tesco
What would you do with five million quid? We all ask ourselves that occasionally, often with the corollary: I wonder what it'd be like never to spend another minute sober? (Actually, I've been off the booze and, while it was frightening at first, I can now walk and feed myself).
Sue Stebbings, of Suffolk, won £5m on the Lottery and said that, after a 12-month break, she'd resume her job as a checkout supervisor with Asda.
Worse still, she'll continue buying her hubby's clothes at the top cheapskates' store with her discount card.
Already, she's bought him a shirt and tie. Poor bloke. I picture him as a peculiarly passive fellow, soon to be clothed in a duffle-coat and bobble-hat for the bigger occasions.
Top ululator Susan Boyle still purchases her duds at Tesco. You can take the girl out of Bathgate. I'm not being snooty. I'm a poor proletarian boy myself, too skint to have the heating on.
Come to think of it - reader's voice: "He's thinking! Brace yourselves!" - I admire Mrs Stebbings and Comrade Boyle. The former values the cameraderie of work and would find being home all day 'boring'.
Her current salary? Twelve grand a year.
Shocking. I trust the first thing she'll do is ask for a rise.