Aw jeez, don't tell me another royal wedding is in the pipeline. Surely, we're all out of pomp after the recent extravaganzas?
Does Pippa Middleton count as royal? Near-royal, I suppose. The winsome filly is sister to Kate, castigated his week for being a characterless breeder.
Pippa is getting serious with one Nico Jackson, who has all his own teeth and everything.
Nico is a stockbroker, and so contributes nothing to the economy. But he's continuing the royal succession of Pippa's beaus: previous incumbents have included an investment banker and a financier.
Still, Nico is a man of the people. He went to a grammar school and, two years ago, sold his modest two-bedroom flat in Kensington for just £1.56m.
Oh, enough class prejudice. What of the breeding potential? Though Pippa and Nico sound like a pair of poodles, reliable reports in Her Majesty's Press say they've been seen snogging "aggressively". In public. In a bar.
This sort of thing never happened in Queen Victoria's day. But we must move with the times. And you have to hope the pair will be happy. However, if they do tie the knot, let's hope they do so quietly, with a couple of friends present, and the slavering media kept in its natural habitat: the dark.