Let's talk cleavage. Yes, indeed, the subject popped out again this week when boob-flaunting BBC Breakfast presenter - [checks notes] - Susanna Reid complained: "People seem to be shocked that women have breasts".
Talk about missing the point. This news just in: men have testicles. Difference: we don't show them off in public. Fact: cleavage is just brickie's bum on the wrong side.
I'm not clear where Ms Reid stands vis-a-vis wotsitsname. Oh yeah: journalism. It says here that she interviews people. Hmm, sounds challenging. When she's preparing for an interview perhaps she thinks: "I want this to be a really revealing interview that generates interesting discussion." But, in reality, she thinks: "I want to reveal my hooters."
Women are peculiar. They want to be looked at. They don't want to be looked at. Scientists say it depends on the phases of the moon.
What happens if we get a female prime minister who feels strongly about this essential human right? Will she be showing her cleavage at Nato? "And now we cross live to Brussels where the Prime Minister is displaying her melons."
Even the Scandinavians, traditionally a fast set, haven't gone that far. Yet. Mind you, yon burd running Argentina has a fine set of Malvinas. What? What's wrong with you now? Jeez.