Belfast Telegraph

Thursday 25 December 2014

Swedes’ bed of nails is just a pain in the rear

The Swedes have taught us many things: how cheap-looking pine furniture can enhance our homes; how gloom can be fun and interesting; and how taking off our clothes for rude purposes need not be a cause for shame.



With the exception of the last-named, we have taken these lessons to heart.

They confirm to us that the Swedes are worthy people, with much to teach us. Compare them to, say, the Ecuadorians. What have the Ecuadorians ever done for us? Exactly. And don't get me started on Peru.

But the Swedes have blotted their copybook with their latest wheeze: they want us to lie on beds of nails.

Allegedly, the painful-sounding practice can relieve insomnia, migraines and asthma. Some cranks believe it can even cure schizophrenia and dandruff.

The science of this will be over your heads, but it's something to do with the effect that lying on spikes has on your blood pressure, heart-rate and temperature. It would send them all rocketing, I suspect.

Leading Swedish newspaper, the Svenksa Dagbladet (Daily Dog-Blanket) has poured scorn on the idea, saying there's no proof that the beds work.

Apart from anything else, there's an assumption that the bed is purely a place for sleep and not for, you know, Swedish-style activities.

It is my view that the Swedes have gone too far this time. Tacky furniture is one thing, but this daft idea really gives me the needle.

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