Belfast Telegraph

Thursday 24 July 2014

The bottom line on Africa's wind of change

We've had upheavals in Tunisia and Egyptshire. Malawi could well be next.

For its government has taken repression to a new low: forbidding the bottoms of men from blowing raspberries.

Dr Bingu O'Blenkinsop's administration wants to outlaw breaking wind.

Talk about a breach of human rights.

Citizens in the controversial African country could be punished for "fouling the air".

Opposition campaigners expressed bewilderment.

One said: "I do not know how fouling the air should take priority over regulating Chinese investments." My point exactly.

Another thought the move impractical: "Children will openly deny having passed bad air and point at an elder." In this country, one of these intellectuals who leave comments online said: "Well, I'm gonna try imposing a similar rule in our bedroom every morning between the hours of 6am and 8am. You wouldn't believe what I am subjected to."

She added: "And, believe me, there is never any doubt about who is responsible - the one chuckling proudly to himself whilst wafting the evil whiff in my direction."

I feel your pain, madam. However, it's inhuman to stop a man backfiring. In many marriage beds, it's the only fun he gets.

Sir Harold Macmillan once spoke of a "wind of change" blowing through Africa, but I can't think this is what he meant.

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