There is no way I want to be told off by my cutlery when I've had a tad too much to eat!
God, I've had it up to here with gadgets. I waited ages for the iPad Mini but, as usual with Apple, it was still too dear.
I bought a Kindle, but the thrill wore off, and I reverted to physical books. What's the point of owning something if you can't fondle and sniff it?
So what's in store this year? Well, the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics Show, which opened this week, usually provides a taste. I couldn't afford the bus fare myself but am unreliably informed by Her Majesty's Press that the must-haves for 2013 are a smart fork that monitors what you eat, a computer that turns into a table, and a "phablet".
You say: "What's an effing phablet?" It's a combined phone and tablet, madam. Sounds like a pain in the ear.
As for the chastising culinary, which lights up when you overeat, I fear they've bitten off more than they can chew there.