Belfast Telegraph

Monday 22 September 2014

There's a fat chance of getting thin just by relying on your luck

The public's appetite for news about fat people expands daily. The latest intelligence suggests that persons who trust in fate or luck are more likely to become lardular.

It's because they're less likely to change their behaviour, preferring to leave matters in the hands of Jehovah the Merciless or perchance, and just as practical, their astrological chart.

This is sad, as was the article where I read this, as it was accompanied by a picture of two innocent tubbies inhaling bumper tubs of ice cream. I don't know why the bloaters under advisement don't complain about this sort of prejudice.

But perhaps they leave that in the handies of fate. Fat chance of that working. The thing about life is you have to grab it by the scruff of the neck. And then eat it. No! A heinous suggestion!

Change your ways, fat people, before it's too late. Chew on these words, for they will save you: eat less.

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