What? A make-up so cool it smokes
Do you have a smoky eye? I was discombobulated when flicking through my copy of InStyle UK magazine - that's a joke, by the way; I don't flick through it, I read it carefully - and came across Kate Moss giving tips on how to achieve the, er, ocular phenomenon.
Mrs Moss, a supermodel with all her own teeth, said she used kohl eyeliner to achieve the effect, but did not explain what it was.
Even Wikipedia, disgracefully, did not have an entry on "smoky eye".
How is journalism to prosper if Wikipedia won't do all the work?
The burdz among you will doubtless know all about smoky eye, and so we shall just leave you with your secret.
Elsewhere, Kate ululated that she preferred the natural look, though tended to keep it for the privacy of her own home.
The latest pics, by contrast, show her looking bronzed and with some kind of Brylcreem on her barnet.
One of these cruel intellectuals who leave comments under articles online - yup, I lied about flicking through actual paper - said: "I wish I had Kate's glowing skin. I bet Kate does too." Hmm, nasty, and from an expat too. They're usually so reasonable.
Kate concluded with this advice: "Always use eyelash curlers before applying mascara."
I believe Churchill said something