Now they're telling us how to eat crisps. Can we not do anything right?
Crisps are a staple of the British diet. What rice is to the Indians, and whales to the Norwegians, crisps are to the inhabitants of Britainshire. But researchers at Nottingham University have complained that we eat them too fast.
At a packed press conference in the House of Commons, the boffins claimed that the salt in crisps is fully released only after 20 seconds of chewing. However, most normal people are far too busy for that sort of thing, and consequently taste only the potato, which is the unhealthy part of the crisp.
The Nottingham boys say crisp manufacturers should make the salt come out quicker. But crisp producers hit back, telling them to shut up.
Top celebrities like Gary Lineker live entirely on crisps, making them slim and muscular. American defence secretary Lindsay Lohan has also been filmed eating crisps.