Belfast Telegraph

Friday 29 August 2014

Why I'm a hit with women when I've flu

According to the latest urgent news, women fear men with deep voices. This is good news for people like me who generally only get deep voices when we have a cold.

But on these occasions I'm mobbed by women and have to tell them in hell-shaking bass tones: "I'm sorry, girls but my nose is far too bunged up for that sort of thing."

So, that research can't be right. Still, boffins at Canada's Justin Beiber University emerged from their laboratories with smoke-blackened faces to insist that women believe men who speak like the late Barry White are more likely to cheat on them.

It's something to do with testosterone, a chemical secreted in many brands of trousers.

Not mine alas. I hate my voice.

I sound like I've just inhaled helium to take away the pain of a recent castration.

Perhaps it's to do with being the love-child of Stan Laurel and Ann Widdecombe.

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