I'm up to speed on Kim Kardashian now, after a friend filled me in on the phenomenon. Reality television. Armenian. Curvy. Up the duff. All you need to know really.
Well, that and the fact that she's recently had acupuncture. The truth is that she just has stuff done to her face and that gets her in the papers again. She's never out of them.
I'd hate to have my face published in the paper every week.
Experts analysing the latest pictures, like wartime boffins looking at arms dumps, remain mystified as to any particular health purpose for the acupuncture.
Maybe she thinks the baby is breathing through the holes.
Still, I suppose it does you good to have needles bunged into your coupon every so often.
Kim herself announced on Couponbook: "Oh just relaxing ... "
More disturbingly, Kim added that her man Kanye West wants a "unique" name for their baby. How ominous. Presumably, we can expect something daft in the traditional manner of celebrities.
Burger Kardashian. Blenkinsop Kardashian. Lavatory Kardashian.
I'm unsure of this Kanye character on two grounds. One, he is a rapper. Two, he's rumoured to be naming his new album "I Am God".
God, as everyone knows, was Syd Barrett, who founded the original Pink Floyd. He's dead now, of course.