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Wobbly aliens on our beaches are just jell on Earth

By Robert McNeill

Nature is a right pain. A friend mocked me recently for passing myself off as Mother Nature's son then complaining about midges and flies.

However, I see no contradiction. It's merely the Lord spoiling everything, as usual: Et in Arcadia ego. And I am in Arcadia. It's supposed to mean the Devil, but could just as easily refer to the other big dope.

Thus the beach. Recently, I enjoyed a pleasant walk along the seashore and was punished by some sort of disease of the feet, possibly caused by the spawn of jellyfish. Jellyfish. Who invented them? Thanks to the recent spell of warm weather, the wobbly idiots are on the increase in Northern Ireland's coastal waters.

Top experts warn that their sting can cause blisters, irritation, muscular cramp, syphilis, and even respiratory and cardiac problems.

The rotten blighters. Don't handle them, obviously. And don't bother throwing sticks for them to fetch either. Tried it. They just sit there, looking alien and evil.

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