Belfast Telegraph

Wednesday 3 September 2014

Wonder if Camilla will tell Charles to stuff his cushions

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall and Prince Charles, Prince of Wales

Disturbing news from the House of Windsor, whence it is reported that leading role model Prince Charles has been turning bathroom curtains into cushions.

You are agog. "Please elucidate," you say. I shall, madam, but only after issuing a clarification.

I did not mean to infer that the aforementioned P. Charles Esq was performing miracles, as yon Jesus did turning water into wine.

Indeed, the miracle of the bathroom curtains certainly sounds less inspiring as a holy parable than the more heartwarming tale of H2O and plonk.

The point is - and, yes, I am trying desperately to come to it, if you would all shut up for a minute - that the prince has evinced a distaste for throwing things away, preferring to make do and mend.

I should point out that he wasn't doing the mending. On noticing his bathroom curtains were a bit 17th century, he summoned a flunkey and told him to turn them into cushions.

But the principle remains the same. "I hate throwing things away," quoth the p. Indeed, I recall when Charles came to Glasgow and gave his old corduroy trousers to a charity shop.

He spent the rest of the day performing regal functions in his underpants, but everyone turned a blind eye, as it was all in a good cause.

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