Friday 24 May 2013
Iain Duncan Smith has insisted he could live on £53 of benefits a week. There seems to have been some sort of mistake here. Perhaps he misheard the question and thought it was whether he could get a decent lunch for that.
Pack up your troubles in your shopping bags and smile, smile, smile. You'll be smiling on the other side of your fizzer when you have to pay 5p for each bag, right enough.
I'm up to speed on Kim Kardashian now, after a friend filled me in on the phenomenon. Reality television. Armenian. Curvy. Up the duff. All you need to know really.
Bad news for ranters, as research shows letting off steam online can leave you feeling more frustrated than ever.
We all hoped we'd seen the last of Boris with the London Olympics. But, no, talk of him becoming leader of England and the Other Bits continues.
Bad news for my mate Aidan. His wee boy wants a haircut like Christiano's, as in Ronaldo of that ilk.
We need to talk about groping. I hesitate to introduce the subject, and will endeavour to stay within the bounds of decency.
Taken in the round, looked at from all angles, and weighing up the pros and cons, I'd rather look like George Clooney than me.
Regrets, I've had a few thousand. But the average citizen has only seven major ones, according to boffin-style research by e-cigarette brand E-Lites.
Been a bad week for Bieber. Jeremy of that ilk shot to fame because of his peculiar trousers.
How interesting that a new supermarket is opening in Coalisland, and that it isn't one of the usual suspects: Tesco, Sainsbury's, Asda, and whatnot.
Folk sometimes say about work: "Back to the treadmill." Well, soon, that could be literally true.
The buttock-baring entertainer was pop's top earner in 2012. Eye-popping figures follow, so pour yourself a fortified sherry and prepare to goggle your eyelobes.
Yay for Annie Lennox. The former Eurythmics star has had a pop at the "feeding frenzy" of British celebrity culture and at so-called "talent" shows on the telly.
I think we can all agree that men are evil. Their preening at the gym has undone them.
Hats off to Ardglass man Sean Clifford who patrols a Caribbean beach protecting leatherback turtles. Well, it's nice to have a hobby.
Aw jeez, don't tell me another royal wedding is in the pipeline. Surely, we're all out of pomp after the recent extravaganzas?
The situation is as follows: bucks have been passed, folk have been standing over your meat, and farmers have been jumping through hoops.
I regret to announce that, should it ever come about, I won't be buying an iCar.
My researchers tell me that today is Valentine's Day. Well, whoop-de-doo. At least the garage is still open for flowers. Florists should get their own back and diversify into petrol.
Hangover star takes 87-year-old to premiere
Unesco has called for a halt to the development of a controversial £100 million golf resort on Northern Ireland's North Coast.
Territorial Army soldiers who served in Iraq and Afghanistan are to be granted the Freedom of Castlereagh.
Fears of a "bailiff boom" as soaring numbers of people struggle to cope with council tax benefit cuts have been raised by a debt advice charity.
George Best was the finest footballer of them all, according to England World Cup winner Ian Callaghan.
They know each other inside-out as a result of having squared up so often in the past. As well as having gone head to head on such a regular basis, most of the protagonists are Irish training camp regulars. In addition, many of them have been Test match colleagues.
Justin Tipuric hopes Sam Warburton's selection as British and Irish Lions captain will not harm his chances of earning a Test spot against Australia.
Cutting It star Ben Daniels is joining the department store costume drama The Paradise for its new series.
DJ Nick Grimshaw and chart stars Rizzle Kicks have been lined up to host a pair of new music shows for Channel 4.
Former Coronation Street star Helen Flanagan did her bit to protest against the skin trade by showing off some flesh of her own.
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