Of course I've seen The Hobbit. I'm a man of the world. But did this not entail visiting the cinema, a place I abhor? Yes, it did.
Went the day well? Nope. For once, beforehand, I abjured from predicting Jehovah the Merciless would make everything go wrong. But, of course, He did.
What was the problem? Neds? Nope. The daytime audience was a decent one of old hippies and nerdy teenagers. Two people were dressed as Gandalf the wizard. A nice audience then. Not one baldie.
So, was the script poor? No, the story was well told, and how lovely to see Cate Blanchett as Galadriel the elf again. Married to chubby Lancashire comedian Danny Kaye, Cate's fey beauty enchants even dwarves.
So what was wrong? I'll tell you: 48 frames per second. Director Peter Jackson shot the film using this new method, and it was panned in previews for looking like home video.
So, it was decided most showings would be in the traditional 24 fps. Booking online for a cinema in Scotlandshire, I took care to see it in this form, negotiating an already confusing choice of 2D, 3D, Real 3D, and IMAX.
And, of course, I saw it in 48 fps, rendering the film as magical as a YouTube video of somebody's dancing cat.