Belfast Telegraph

Monday 21 April 2014

Furore over nicked Saddam bronze shows that the law is really an ass

Let's talk about Saddam Hussein's left buttock. Not the right one obviously. That would be absurd.

The buttock under advisement - that is to say, the corresponding part of a bronze statue - was brought home to Blighty from yonder Iraq by a member of the SAS.

You'd think a former dictator's bronze buttock a fairly harmless memento to loot from the theatre of war. Indeed, Nigel 'Spud' Ely planned to auction the 2ft cheek for charity.

But the police - and mere mention of same indicates that comedy can't be far off - raided Nigel's house in a fruitless search for the anal artefact.

Miffed, they sniffed that it wasn't genuine anyway, and told the complaining Iraqi Embassy that their 'cultural property' remained at large.

Spud was outraged. He spluttered: "I am a man of honour. How dare the police tarnish my name by suggesting the buttock isn't genuine!"

Quite right. Clearly, the whole thing is a bum rap.

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