Belfast Telegraph

Saturday 19 April 2014

Lady's going Gaga over her hair loss

Lady Gaga
Lady Gaga

Many of you have been gagging for news of Gaga. She's been off the radar for months. But the latest intelligence suggests a reason: she's been having trouble with her hair.

Well, it happens to us all. I once had a haircut that made me cry for seven straight days in a row. And I'm, like, a man. By which I don't mean I'm like a man. Now, internet dudes, d'you see the importance of grammar?

Lady G was spotted at a Hollywood club sporting what my researchers say is a "platinum blonde bob". Shocked observers said she looked sleepy.

However, after years of colouring her hair hourly, Gaga got a wake-up call when her follicles started exiting stage-right. Hence the short bob, if you can say that in a family newspaper.

Two years ago, she told a seminar of leading economists and statesmen at the House of Commons: "I have to get a chemical haircut because my blonde hair is falling out."

Being squeamish, I'm not even going to ask my researchers what a chemical haircut is. Sounds drastic.

Recently, Her Ladyship has been seen in a wheelchair, possibly caused by a hip injury, but more probably the result of her injudicious barnet tomfoolery.

We wish her well and hope to see her gyrating lewdly again soon.

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