Belfast Telegraph

Sunday 20 April 2014

Maybe Julian wants to look like Mr Humphries and say he’s free

New image: Julian Assange’s new hairstyle was put under scrutiny

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has raised many important issues surrounding freedom of information, dictatorships, and diplomatic hypocrisy. However, his new haircut really is appalling.

What possesses men to go for that crewcut look? No man has ever looked better for it. Not one. Not ever. But still the urge to shave the bonce appears irresistible.

It made Assange look a right nerd, and I was unable to take seriously his sententious statements from the balcony of the Ecuadorian Embassy in yonder Londonshire.

Worst still, a spirited debate took place on yonder internet wherein he was compared to Mr Humphries, the camp gentlemen’s clothing salesman played by the late John Inman in TV’s Are You Being Served?

Mr Humphries’ catchphrase “I’m free” became Assange’s “I’m freedom of information”. All it needed was Mrs Slocombe to wander onto the balcony and announce: “If you look through the letterbox and can see my pussy, would you drop a sardine on the mat?”

Many folk think there’s something fishy about Mr Assange. There’s certainly something of the genius about him, which probably explains why he’s not very bright.

Any fool knows that image is all important today and, in opting for a risible hairdo, the controversial Australian has allowed peripheral matters to overshadow whatever it is he stands for.

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