Belfast Telegraph

Thursday 17 April 2014

Name change for al-Qaida hadn't a prayer

Nutter news, and it transpires al-Qaida planned a marketing redesign to improve its image.

Late leading loony Humphrey bin Laden thought the name lacked religious resonance. Al-Qaida is Arabian for 'Death to everyone'. In a strategic marketing error, the organisation had killed many Muslims, and felt a name-change might make folk forget.

However, documents discovered at bin Loony's hideout show conservatives in the organisation still liked the name al-Qaida because of the irritation it caused Western reporters, notably on account of the sinister lack of a 'u' after the 'q'. And, while valuing good marketing, the binster clearly hadn't got the hang of it. The name-change he suggested was Taifat l'Adat Yada-Yada, meaning Monotheism and Jihad Group. Fact: no successful marketing campaign has ever featured the word 'monotheism'. Not even "Make mine monotheism".

No wonder his aides told him: "Forget it, Humphers. We stick with the q word - without the u."

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