Belfast Telegraph

Sunday 20 April 2014

No fangs, I’m suspicious of the undead

What’s all this stuff about vampires? Now they’re telling us that Prince Vlad the Impaler, the inspiration for Dracula, wasn’t really all that bad and was just misunderstood. Hmm.





Well, it seems to me he wasn’t called The Impaler for nothing. Had he been Vlad the Tickler or Vlad the Knitter, we might have been more sympathetic. Then, there’s Twilight, the teen movie series about virginal gals falling for neck-biting chaps.

I'm not against teen dramas. Quite the opposite. I was a huge fan of Smallville, the TV series about young Superman growing up in Kansas. I have all the DVDs and books, |because that’s the kind of man I am: childish. But I never got into this blood-sucking malarkey.

I don’t wish to sound harsh, but I’m suspicious of the undead. I tend also to give folk with fangs a wide berth.

Call me prejudiced, but I find blunt-toothed beings less likely to start trouble.

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