I wish to speak to you about erectile dysfunction. Do not be alarmed. And don't jump to any conclusions either: last time I checked I found everything in perfect working order and, afterwards, sat down to hear the latest news about Prime Minister John Major.
No, it was the connection with Weetabix that caught my eye.
It's not that Weetabix causes EF, as we'll call it to save further embarrassment. It cures it. Weetabix contains niacin, also known as B3, which boosts blood supply to the controversial pelvic region. There's a catch, though: you have to eat 580 Weetabix bars for it to have any effect. Now, I'm a fan of breakfast, and like nothing better than a bowl of cereal.
But 580 Weetabix! I could just manage it. But I'd give up if I thought it wasn't going to leave room for my bacon and eggs.