Belfast Telegraph

Sunday 20 April 2014

When it comes to dancing Becks doesn't want to go near the ball

Posh Beckham has criticised the footwork of her husband, Derek. Fear not, she isn't referring to his sublime soccer skills, but to his dancing.

Dancing is a shameful activity for a man, and so Derek's alleged inabilities in the field are to be commended.

Posh made her controversial remarks while making a video to promote Britainshire abroad, which is where, coincidentally, she lives.

Posh - real name Victoria, after the torn-faced old monarch - ululated thus: "David loves music - but can't dance." Strictly speaking, this may not be correct. He can dance well enough with a ball at his feet. He has danced through defences and around lunging tackles.

However, it's thought that Posh was referring to the practice of gyrating the hips in a lewd and libidinous manner as part of a primitive mating ritual.

No good ever came of that sort of thing, which decent people restrict to the privacy of their own home.