Top person Robbie Williams has spoken out powerfully about stars who give their sprogs peculiar names.
The singer's grim warning followed an incident in which he addressed actress Gwyneth Paltrow's infant Apple as Melon.
Could have been worse. Could have called her Loganberry or Satsuma.
Later, Robbie's embarrassment turned to rage, as he thundered: "If you don't call your child Michael or Peter or Julia there will only be celebrity names left and they are all stupid."
That's narrowing it down a tad, but I get his gist or pith.
Once, I went on a date with a lady where I decided to change the subject from football to David Bowie calling his son Zowie. "How absurd!" I opined. You guessed: she'd had a bairn and called it Zowie.
Another time, at a wedding party in Englandshire, I heard a woman calling after her child: "Botticelli! Botticelli!"
Poor child. I wonder what prison he's in now.