Being a practising Catholic in the UK and Ireland these days is a lifestyle choice. Religious observation is not mandatory.

Catholics may convert to another faith, or follow an atheist or humanist viewpoint. Catholics may also access birth-control and abortion, get divorced, get remarried or have a civil partnership; all courtesy of social reforms led mainly by secularists, suffragettes and Protestants.

So let’s not be coy about it. Modern Catholics in the British Isles have the best of both worlds.

They have good private schools full of well-behaved children and all the pomp and splendour of the traditional Mass.

But alongside these things they enjoy the privilege of living in possibly the most open and free society on earth. Unfortunately, for Catholics living in poorer countries and in the developed world, it’s a different story.

I’m going to be controversial here, but when you think about it, the most popular destinations in the world today for economic migrants are the UK, the US and Canada, Australia and New Zealand, and Germany.

Now, is it a coincidence that these countries are all mainly Protestant and prosperous, with small families and academic achievement as the cornerstones of society?

It is also socially unacceptable in these countries to make a homophobic remark of any kind, which is as it should be.

Now why do you think these countries are so very popular with migrants of all religions?

I don’t see too many economic migrants heading for South America, for example. Why?

Regular readers will know I’m a lapsed Catholic. They may also be aware of my wish to have the word ‘penitent’ removed from the graves of the Magdalene Laundry slaves in Ireland.

I have no desire to offend practising Catholics anywhere in the world, but I am puzzled by the ‘parallel thinking’ of many Catholics.

On the one hand, they know of child clerical abuse and the long-running cover-ups, yet they continue to send their children to Catholic schools.

They know about the women in Africa dying of Aids, yet they continue to drop loose change into charity tins, as if that’s going to feed all HIV orphans.

Catholics in the UK know that birth control is not approved of by the Vatican, but clearly they are using birth control, for we simply do not see families of 20 in the UK anymore. Few of the Catholics that I know go to Mass every Sunday and holy day, yet they are shocked by my decision to consider converting to some moderate branch of Protestantism.

The thing is, I am not capable of parallel thinking. I disagree with practically every piece of dogma in Catholicism, so what is the point of me pretending to be a devout Catholic?

It doesn’t make sense to me, to do that. And it doesn’t make sense to me to pass the habit of parallel thinking onto the next generation.

I know that there must be Catholics out there who do, indeed, obey the rules, but I suspect they are of an age when serenity and spirituality are not compromised by day-to-day life anymore.

Is that an outrageous thing to say? I hope it is not.

So Pope Benedict is coming to the UK today and I hope the visit goes smoothly.

I’m weary of rowdy protests so I hope any protest that may take place will be dignified and controlled.

We must remember that the Pope and all his priests are (supposedly) single, celibate males given to contemplation and study and solitude.

I do not expect them to understand the complexities of a life lived at a more human level.

I do not expect them to understand how it feels when a doctor tells a woman it would be fatal for her to become pregnant again.

I don’t expect them to understand how it feels to abort a pregnancy started by rape.

I don’t expect them to understand how it feels for a man or woman to come out of the closet after years of pretending to be happily single, or even happily married.

Basically, what I am trying to say is that a person cannot live as a practising Catholic without employing parallel thinking. And I am not capable of parallel thinking.

Catholicism in this country is a lifestyle choice. And this is why I am not a practising Catholic.