Belfast Telegraph

Friday 25 April 2014

Deborah McAleese: Good try Tiger Woods, but you failed to convince us

It was like watching an episode of The Office — uncomfortable viewing at times but undeniably funny. Be honest.

Did anyone actually watch the grovelling apology to his wife, daughter, mother, family, friends, business partners, fellow golfers, the children of the world, wee Jimmy down the road, blah blah blah, without guffawing with laughter?

Surely those dramatic pauses and the little theatrical sniff at the end of this OTT Hollywood performance couldn’t have failed to extract at least a little snigger.

You have to give it to the man, that was some speech. For 15 minutes he droned on about how he had let down himself and everyone else in the world, how he had convinced himself that “normal rules didn’t apply”. He talked about needing to “regain my balance and be centred” and how he “owes it to those closest to me to become a better man”.

At least we know what he has been up to for the past two months — swallowing the contents of all the self-help books in the therapy clinic.

Maybe the man was sincere but how could you possibly tell through such a clearly stage-managed performance?

It seemed like he spent the past week in front of the mirror perfecting his role of fallen hero begging for forgiveness.

And what a performance — the dramatic pauses, the watery eyes, the crestfallen demeanour, the pleading glances to the camera, the emotional hug with mother when it was all over and a very brief glimpse of that dazzling Hollywood smile.

All that was missing as he walked off the stage, head wearily bowed in shame, was an orchestra playing some dramatic closing theme tune.

I am actually not a Tiger hater and really do hope he’ll soon be back out on the fairway, but, seriously — pass me the bucket.

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