Belfast Telegraph

How to prepare for return of the prodigal students

Now university students are home for Easter, I thought I would provide a parent's guide to caring for them and answering all your most commonly asked questions:

What do I feed the university student while he or she is home for Easter?

You do not need to fret about what to feed a university student while they are home for Easter. Simply fill the fridge and cupboards to bursting and they will empty them out all by themselves within the first 24 hours.

Should I 'lend' the first-year university student my bus pass so they can get around the city for free?

It is very important you lend any university student your bus pass so they can get around the city for free.

And it is important you do this at the first instant otherwise they will nag and break you down before you pass it over anyway.



Should I clear a space in the hall so the university student can dump their stuff there for the entire period they are at home?

Yes.

Should I get the university student out of bed before 3pm?

As a rule, the university student will have had a hard term going to one lecture a week, drinking, and burning toast at 4am, so needs the rest.

Also, the shock of discovering, say, there are two 9 o'clocks may kill them.

While the male university student is home, should I query his laundering habits?

You may quiz the student as to his laundering habits, but do not make the mistake of accusing him of wearing the same pair of pants eight times, as he will happily tell you that he reverses them every other day, so in reality it is only really four.

To keep the university student happy, what should I provide?

* Internet access

* TV with Sky

* Father's shaving equipment

* Mother's cash

* Fresh bathroom towels to be dropped in damp spools in the bedroom or the landing.

Is it ever ok to do a little dance of happiness when the university student goes back after Easter?

Seriously, who would blame you?

Next week: How to take your 'empty nest' and put it somewhere a university student won't find it, like inside a book.

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