Vote Homer and bring tree prize back to these shores
We may not be any good at the Eurovision Song Contest any more but we could win the best European tree contest thanks to a mighty 200-year-old oak, Old Homer, at Kilbroney Park in Rostrevor.
Forget all those dodgy voting blocs which have marred Eurovision in recent years. We can win this contest on our own, and thanks to our politicians we have plenty of practice casting our votes.
So in the time honoured message that allegedly went out from political parties in past days - vote early and often for Old Homer. This could be our last chance of success, as after Brexit we probably won't be able to enter again.